Help

IM a young female that moved out of her hometown in England nearly 3 years ago.
Problem is I still have no friends up here.
I lack confidence talking to others & don' know how I'd get on joinging any other clubs as I
have no confidence. Only person in Scotland I know is my boyfriend.

Any advce on what coudl help my confidence or how to make friends??
I was bullied at all my schools hence the confidence issue.

Im a loner pretty much haha

Awww

I'm the same. I don't see any of my friends any more out of choice really.

I thought I might as well stay at home rather than go out and socialise with people who just use me for my money.

Bullying plays a big part because things stick.

Does your boyfriend have friends? Maybe that is a way to socialise and meet new people.

I would really struggle joining a club so don't. I'd like to go the gym if I had the confidence, but I don't have that confidence to do so.

I think it's just about getting out and meeting new people whether it through a job or something else. One of the reasons I've applied for The Carphone Warehouse is so I'm not in my room so much. More to do with the sanity than the money.

I'm sure others will offer other advice, but I can completely understand how you feel. It's exactly the same for me.

My bf doesnt have any friends either lol
and been at my work almost 2 years I hardly talk to anybody because of my confidence.

I need to get fit feel so sorry for myself most days I have no motivation for gym may go swimming .

Did you get the job?

jdqueen wrote:My bf doesnt have any friends either lol
and been at my work almost 2 years I hardly talk to anybody because of my confidence.

I need to get fit feel so sorry for myself most days I have no motivation for gym may go swimming .

Did you get the job?

The lady is getting back to me about the job. I should know by next week.

Are you not happy with your size?

That's a big issue for me and I think once I do something about that I will be more confident.

Motivation is hard. Maybe depression comes into it with that.

Sometimes I can't even be bothered to brush my teeth. Everything seems to be such an effort.

Well last summer I broke my ankle in 2 places and was out of action for ages months in fact. my ankle still hurts now and think cold weather doesnt help. That will teach me to go near roundabout. I have enough confidence around my close friends but they are all in England. I have had the same bestfriend since nursery but you know how it is after school everybody goes their seperate ways and start having relationships etc. Im obviously guilty of doing that also as I moved away but not going to look back as I have a bf who loves me dearly and been with him nearly 3 years. I just don't have confidence with people I do not know. I hate my job as well.

I dont think I'm depressed just fed up as rely solely on my boyfriend and I'm a bit of a football widow if I'm honest with you. I met a few peopel via internet girls but only really saw one of them a few times whos bit older than me and is now in a committed relationship also. Last time I saw her she couldn't wait to get home to her boyfriend.

jdqueen wrote:Well last summer I broke my ankle in 2 places and was out of action for ages months in fact. my ankle still hurts now and think cold weather doesnt help. That will teach me to go near roundabout. I have enough confidence around my close friends but they are all in England. I have had the same bestfriend since nursery but you know how it is after school everybody goes their seperate ways and start having relationships etc. Im obviously guilty of doing that also as I moved away but not going to look back as I have a bf who loves me dearly and been with him nearly 3 years. I just don't have confidence with people I do not know. I hate my job as well.

I dont think I'm depressed just fed up as rely solely on my boyfriend and I'm a bit of a football widow if I'm honest with you. I met a few peopel via internet girls but only really saw one of them a few times whos bit older than me and is now in a committed relationship also. Last time I saw her she couldn't wait to get home to her boyfriend.

Yeah.

Life went kind of downhill for me when I left school.

Didn't really see anyone then found some friends, but they used me for my money. I think I was too willing to fit in and then once I started buying the drinks etc they took advantage. They're the wrong people to be 'friends', using that word very lightly, so now I just stay in and never go out socially.

You feel comfortable with your close friends, but obviously you don't see. I am the same, just generally, with people I know. I can be really confident, but if I don't know someone then I can be really nervous.

Sorry. Rushes reply. I've got to get walking to work now. Chat to you later about this. xx

Aww.. I've never had to do it, but it must be the hardest thing ever to move to a new area as an adult and try to make new friends.

This may sound daft to suggest to you if you have no confidence.. but what about getting a bar job in one of your local pubs? I think bar work does wonders for the confidence and you meet loads of people (I'm talking about a pub within a community with lots of regulars, not a club or a town centre pub)

Or I am sure there are sites online for people looking for friends in different areas.. I don't mean dating sites, just friendship ones.

Do you have hobbies?

Thomas wrote:

jdqueen wrote:Well last summer I broke my ankle in 2 places and was out of action for ages months in fact. my ankle still hurts now and think cold weather doesnt help. That will teach me to go near roundabout. I have enough confidence around my close friends but they are all in England. I have had the same bestfriend since nursery but you know how it is after school everybody goes their seperate ways and start having relationships etc. Im obviously guilty of doing that also as I moved away but not going to look back as I have a bf who loves me dearly and been with him nearly 3 years. I just don't have confidence with people I do not know. I hate my job as well.

I dont think I'm depressed just fed up as rely solely on my boyfriend and I'm a bit of a football widow if I'm honest with you. I met a few peopel via internet girls but only really saw one of them a few times whos bit older than me and is now in a committed relationship also. Last time I saw her she couldn't wait to get home to her boyfriend.

Yeah.

Life went kind of downhill for me when I left school.

Didn't really see anyone then found some friends, but they used me for my money. I think I was too willing to fit in and then once I started buying the drinks etc they took advantage. They're the wrong people to be 'friends', using that word very lightly, so now I just stay in and never go out socially.

You feel comfortable with your close friends, but obviously you don't see. I am the same, just generally, with people I know. I can be really confident, but if I don't know someone then I can be really nervous.

Sorry. Rushes reply. I've got to get walking to work now. Chat to you later about this. xx

Awww you got better friends now?
It was so much easier to make friends at school
I miss them good old days lol

howdy football widow.
i moved far away from my hometown, and ended up hundreds of miles from anyone i knew.but i found that liberating. nobody knows youre shy/reserved or anything about you. especialy if you live in glasgow..and glaswegians are well known for their friendly banter. you don't need to be anything special to meet some new mates. (look at us replying to your post for example).but i understand how hard it is trying to change a mindset.
if i were you i would find someone with a dog and offer to walk it for them for free. in the park,other dog walkers naturaly stop and chat,,and thats great practice ey!.
and if you went at the same time every day,,you'd meet the same people every day and before you know it,, youre going "ach mary,,how did your waggys vet appointment go? i hope he was ok? next time,let me know and i'll give you a ride there!" see,,start slowly and it will boost your confidence..and yes you are an interesting person,,people read your posts on here. so good luck.

jdqueen wrote:

Thomas wrote:

jdqueen wrote:Well last summer I broke my ankle in 2 places and was out of action for ages months in fact. my ankle still hurts now and think cold weather doesnt help. That will teach me to go near roundabout. I have enough confidence around my close friends but they are all in England. I have had the same bestfriend since nursery but you know how it is after school everybody goes their seperate ways and start having relationships etc. Im obviously guilty of doing that also as I moved away but not going to look back as I have a bf who loves me dearly and been with him nearly 3 years. I just don't have confidence with people I do not know. I hate my job as well.

I dont think I'm depressed just fed up as rely solely on my boyfriend and I'm a bit of a football widow if I'm honest with you. I met a few peopel via internet girls but only really saw one of them a few times whos bit older than me and is now in a committed relationship also. Last time I saw her she couldn't wait to get home to her boyfriend.

Yeah.

Life went kind of downhill for me when I left school.

Didn't really see anyone then found some friends, but they used me for my money. I think I was too willing to fit in and then once I started buying the drinks etc they took advantage. They're the wrong people to be 'friends', using that word very lightly, so now I just stay in and never go out socially.

You feel comfortable with your close friends, but obviously you don't see. I am the same, just generally, with people I know. I can be really confident, but if I don't know someone then I can be really nervous.

Sorry. Rushes reply. I've got to get walking to work now. Chat to you later about this. xx

Awww you got better friends now?
It was so much easier to make friends at school
I miss them good old days lol

Nope. I don't really have any mates now.

What's the point in having mates that use you? They're not mates.

I suppose I should try and find some new mates, but I've got use to being on my own.

Once you leave school you don't keep in touch with people, not for me anyway.

I did meet up with a couple of old school mates not too long a go, but then I was wondering why I bothered as they'd not changed from school.

It's different when you leave school because you haven't got to keep in contact with people you don't want.

I don't think I've ever found the right mates for me. I'm not even asking for much anyway, just friends who wouldn't use me or be really childish when it comes to certain things.

I suppose because of the way I am, I've not branches out and looked for new mates as I'd find that really hard to do.

It's OK someone telling you that it would be great to join a club, and it probably would be, but if you don't feel comfortable then there's no point.

On the other hand, I think you have got to make small steps otherwise it will never get better.

Just starting a new job or something. It's a way to meet new people and keep sane.

donny wrote:howdy football widow.
i moved far away from my hometown, and ended up hundreds of miles from anyone i knew.but i found that liberating. nobody knows youre shy/reserved or anything about you. especialy if you live in glasgow..and glaswegians are well known for their friendly banter. you don't need to be anything special to meet some new mates. (look at us replying to your post for example).but i understand how hard it is trying to change a mindset.
if i were you i would find someone with a dog and offer to walk it for them for free. in the park,other dog walkers naturaly stop and chat,,and thats great practice ey!.
and if you went at the same time every day,,you'd meet the same people every day and before you know it,, youre going "ach mary,,how did your waggys vet appointment go? i hope he was ok? next time,let me know and i'll give you a ride there!" see,,start slowly and it will boost your confidence..and yes you are an interesting person,,people read your posts on here. so good luck.

I have a dog but at the moment my mobility aint the best I am awaiting a ingrown toe nail to be removed
I guess I just get scared because Im not a attractive person and I worry peopel will judge me and that shatters my confidence lol

donny wrote:howdy football widow.
i moved far away from my hometown, and ended up hundreds of miles from anyone i knew.but i found that liberating. nobody knows youre shy/reserved or anything about you. especialy if you live in glasgow..and glaswegians are well known for their friendly banter. you don't need to be anything special to meet some new mates. (look at us replying to your post for example).but i understand how hard it is trying to change a mindset.
if i were you i would find someone with a dog and offer to walk it for them for free. in the park,other dog walkers naturaly stop and chat,,and thats great practice ey!.
and if you went at the same time every day,,you'd meet the same people every day and before you know it,, youre going "ach mary,,how did your waggys vet appointment go? i hope he was ok? next time,let me know and i'll give you a ride there!" see,,start slowly and it will boost your confidence..and yes you are an interesting person,,people read your posts on here. so good luck.

oh & I see your from same county as me
IM originally a fellow northumbrian

Thomas wrote:

jdqueen wrote:

Thomas wrote:

jdqueen wrote:Well last summer I broke my ankle in 2 places and was out of action for ages months in fact. my ankle still hurts now and think cold weather doesnt help. That will teach me to go near roundabout. I have enough confidence around my close friends but they are all in England. I have had the same bestfriend since nursery but you know how it is after school everybody goes their seperate ways and start having relationships etc. Im obviously guilty of doing that also as I moved away but not going to look back as I have a bf who loves me dearly and been with him nearly 3 years. I just don't have confidence with people I do not know. I hate my job as well.

I dont think I'm depressed just fed up as rely solely on my boyfriend and I'm a bit of a football widow if I'm honest with you. I met a few peopel via internet girls but only really saw one of them a few times whos bit older than me and is now in a committed relationship also. Last time I saw her she couldn't wait to get home to her boyfriend.

Yeah.

Life went kind of downhill for me when I left school.

Didn't really see anyone then found some friends, but they used me for my money. I think I was too willing to fit in and then once I started buying the drinks etc they took advantage. They're the wrong people to be 'friends', using that word very lightly, so now I just stay in and never go out socially.

You feel comfortable with your close friends, but obviously you don't see. I am the same, just generally, with people I know. I can be really confident, but if I don't know someone then I can be really nervous.

Sorry. Rushes reply. I've got to get walking to work now. Chat to you later about this. xx

Awww you got better friends now?
It was so much easier to make friends at school
I miss them good old days lol

Nope. I don't really have any mates now.

What's the point in having mates that use you? They're not mates.

I suppose I should try and find some new mates, but I've got use to being on my own.

Once you leave school you don't keep in touch with people, not for me anyway.

I did meet up with a couple of old school mates not too long a go, but then I was wondering why I bothered as they'd not changed from school.

It's different when you leave school because you haven't got to keep in contact with people you don't want.

I don't think I've ever found the right mates for me. I'm not even asking for much anyway, just friends who wouldn't use me or be really childish when it comes to certain things.

I suppose because of the way I am, I've not branches out and looked for new mates as I'd find that really hard to do.

It's OK someone telling you that it would be great to join a club, and it probably would be, but if you don't feel comfortable then there's no point.

On the other hand, I think you have got to make small steps otherwise it will never get better.

Just starting a new job or something. It's a way to meet new people and keep sane.

Shouldnt let your bad experience with other people stop you from making new friends because not everybody is the same
there are nice people out there

jdqueen wrote:

donny wrote:howdy football widow.
i moved far away from my hometown, and ended up hundreds of miles from anyone i knew.but i found that liberating. nobody knows youre shy/reserved or anything about you. especialy if you live in glasgow..and glaswegians are well known for their friendly banter. you don't need to be anything special to meet some new mates. (look at us replying to your post for example).but i understand how hard it is trying to change a mindset.
if i were you i would find someone with a dog and offer to walk it for them for free. in the park,other dog walkers naturaly stop and chat,,and thats great practice ey!.
and if you went at the same time every day,,you'd meet the same people every day and before you know it,, youre going "ach mary,,how did your waggys vet appointment go? i hope he was ok? next time,let me know and i'll give you a ride there!" see,,start slowly and it will boost your confidence..and yes you are an interesting person,,people read your posts on here. so good luck.

I have a dog but at the moment my mobility aint the best I am awaiting a ingrown toe nail to be removed
I guess I just get scared because Im not a attractive person and I worry peopel will judge me and that shatters my confidence lol

I had an ingrowing toe nail when I was at school. Was a nasty little thing and it wasn't the most pleasant of things getting it removed.

On the other hand, I played it to my best as an excuse not to do PE. Eventually decided to pack PE in and refused to do it. Hated PE at school!

jdqueen wrote:

Thomas wrote:

jdqueen wrote:

Thomas wrote:

jdqueen wrote:Well last summer I broke my ankle in 2 places and was out of action for ages months in fact. my ankle still hurts now and think cold weather doesnt help. That will teach me to go near roundabout. I have enough confidence around my close friends but they are all in England. I have had the same bestfriend since nursery but you know how it is after school everybody goes their seperate ways and start having relationships etc. Im obviously guilty of doing that also as I moved away but not going to look back as I have a bf who loves me dearly and been with him nearly 3 years. I just don't have confidence with people I do not know. I hate my job as well.

I dont think I'm depressed just fed up as rely solely on my boyfriend and I'm a bit of a football widow if I'm honest with you. I met a few peopel via internet girls but only really saw one of them a few times whos bit older than me and is now in a committed relationship also. Last time I saw her she couldn't wait to get home to her boyfriend.

Yeah.

Life went kind of downhill for me when I left school.

Didn't really see anyone then found some friends, but they used me for my money. I think I was too willing to fit in and then once I started buying the drinks etc they took advantage. They're the wrong people to be 'friends', using that word very lightly, so now I just stay in and never go out socially.

You feel comfortable with your close friends, but obviously you don't see. I am the same, just generally, with people I know. I can be really confident, but if I don't know someone then I can be really nervous.

Sorry. Rushes reply. I've got to get walking to work now. Chat to you later about this. xx

Awww you got better friends now?
It was so much easier to make friends at school
I miss them good old days lol

Nope. I don't really have any mates now.

What's the point in having mates that use you? They're not mates.

I suppose I should try and find some new mates, but I've got use to being on my own.

Once you leave school you don't keep in touch with people, not for me anyway.

I did meet up with a couple of old school mates not too long a go, but then I was wondering why I bothered as they'd not changed from school.

It's different when you leave school because you haven't got to keep in contact with people you don't want.

I don't think I've ever found the right mates for me. I'm not even asking for much anyway, just friends who wouldn't use me or be really childish when it comes to certain things.

I suppose because of the way I am, I've not branches out and looked for new mates as I'd find that really hard to do.

It's OK someone telling you that it would be great to join a club, and it probably would be, but if you don't feel comfortable then there's no point.

On the other hand, I think you have got to make small steps otherwise it will never get better.

Just starting a new job or something. It's a way to meet new people and keep sane.

Shouldnt let your bad experience with other people stop you from making new friends because not everybody is the same
there are nice people out there

True.

It's a number of things and I can empathize with a lot of the things you've said.

I have a big barrier around people I'm not sure about. Put me with people I know and I can be so confident.

It's all the judging. I tend to think people will judge me, and they do, but most of the time people are too bothered about their own lives.

All in the mind.

I'd love to not care what people thought about me. Why should I care what a stranger thinks of me, I shouldn't, but I still do.

I haver had a in grown toe nail b4 it was horrid
dreading getin this one away

I always worry too much its a issue I have always had ever since I was at school
nobody would be my friend back then
I was always the fat & ugly one and will always be that way

jdqueen wrote:I always worry too much its a issue I have always had ever since I was at school
nobody would be my friend back then
I was always the fat & ugly one and will always be that way

I take it that's you in your avatar?!
You don't look fat or ugly to me!
Stop thinking of yourself so harshly Concentrate on the things that you think are good about yourself..

Lee wrote:

jdqueen wrote:I always worry too much its a issue I have always had ever since I was at school
nobody would be my friend back then
I was always the fat & ugly one and will always be that way

I take it that's you in your avatar?!
You don't look fat or ugly to me!
Stop thinking of yourself so harshly Concentrate on the things that you think are good about yourself..

Ha what if I cant think of anything good lol
I need a new job
that gets me down alot

jdqueen wrote:

Lee wrote:

jdqueen wrote:I always worry too much its a issue I have always had ever since I was at school
nobody would be my friend back then
I was always the fat & ugly one and will always be that way

I take it that's you in your avatar?!
You don't look fat or ugly to me!
Stop thinking of yourself so harshly Concentrate on the things that you think are good about yourself..

Ha what if I cant think of anything good lol
I need a new job
that gets me down alot

Yeah, it's hard to think positive things about yourself if you have such a low opinion of yourself.

What would you ideally like to do, jobs wise?

I would love to be nanny
so if anyone has any kids
qualified nanny right here or I could be your own nanny lol

Well you're in the right career at the minute then as it will branch into that, won't it?

Like if the kids you currently look after need a babysitter or nanny?

Get the word around.

I do odd babysitting for someone
I used to be a nanny but it was a live in position and i had no friends and thats how I ended up in scotland to be a live in nanny
hard living with another family though

jdqueen wrote:I do odd babysitting for someone
I used to be a nanny but it was a live in position and i had no friends and thats how I ended up in scotland to be a live in nanny
hard living with another family though

Isn't that what a nanny is though?

Would you still like to do it despite it being hard?

I'm not too sure how you go about these things, but I'm sure there will be someone out there where you live who needs a nanny.

I think I'd love to be a live out nanny

nannying aint just babysitting u gotta be qualified etc

jdqueen wrote:I think I'd love to be a live out nanny

nannying aint just babysitting u gotta be qualified etc

Oh right.

I use to have this nanny when my mum and dad had to go away for some time and she was a right bitch.

Have you looked into finding work as a nanny?